The Importance of Positive Sports Parenting

[MdCheerMom01]

We all as parents want the best for our kids and want them to be successful. And this includes the sports that they participate in. We all have heard the stories of those crazy cheer moms and sports dads getting way over-involved in their kids sports. And I'm sure that many of us have at one point crossed over that line. It's easy to get caught up in the competition and the drama of it all--believe me, I have been there many times myself. But there comes a time where you have to say to yourself this is not good or healthy for the kids and even the parents. The competitive parents who insist that their kid is better than yours and constantly feel the need to one up each other--it can get really nasty. And I am sure that is just a small part of all the drama that goes on in cheer gyms. 

There is some truth in the saying of "Let the coaches coach". We all want to be involved with our kids' sports and be there to watch practices because we love our kids and care about them and are interested in what they do. But sometimes what we often forget is that they are our kids first and what they want from us is unconditional love. When they have a bad practice or are having trouble with a skill, they look to us parents for love and support and sometimes just a hug. The last thing they want to talk about is cheerleading and how practice went or what went wrong. They want to know that we as parents love them no matter what. Sometimes talking about it with them actually stresses them out more. I know we mean well by being concerned about their skill or how they did in practice but it is very important to be positive in what we say.

I know that they are a lot of amazing postitve parents out there that are role models for other parents. I myself, feel that I often need advice and need to be reminded about staying positive no matter what. I am currently reading a really great book called, Games Girls Play, by Dr. Caroline Silby, that talks a lot about sports psychology but also about how to be a positive sports parent and what we can do to make sports the best experience it can be for our kids.

If anyone has any books they want to recommend, ideas or stories they want to share about how we can all be more positive, I would love to hear them!
Have a great day everyone!
K

[coolcoach]

Amen to this.

[Coach Sadie]

excellent post!!!

[Leonidas]

Great post!!!

[Stunt Double 4U]

Thanks, MDCheerMom, I think all parents should read that post!

[BusyCheerMom]

Though positive parenting is all important, the importance of POSITIVE COACHING must not be underscored.  Parents AND coaches should take the time to read the following articles for the benefit of your children:
http://www.ohiooacc.com/subpage6.html
http://www.oakharborcheer.com/MotivatingSquad.html
http://www.goodcharacter.com/SPORTS/positivecoaching.html

[momof2allstars]

Thanks for the recommended reading, I picked it up last night.   

[mazladder9]

Wow,  that's a much needed post.  Unfortunatley the ones who need to read it most probably wont bother.  As a coach it drives me crazy to see how some parents treat their kids. 

If you're ever interested in relocating,  you can always come to my gym.  We would love to have more parents like you.

[MdCheerMom01]

Thanks Mazladder! Thanks for the invite! But, Maryland seems to be a good place for me now 

[jea]

You asked for stories or ideas, so here's one about helping your child attain their goals without stressing them out:

As a gymnastics and cheer coach, I've seen countless parents try to help their children by bribing them with various rewards; "If you get your [insert skill here], we'll buy you a new ipod/waterbed/cellphone!"  I can tell you, that rarely works.  In fact, it often backfires!  The child becomes so obsessed with the reward, and so worried that they won't get it, that the skill becomes a major source of stress... and that's when mental blocks develop. 

One mom took a different approach.  Her daughter wanted to get her standing back, and she also wanted an ipod.  Instead of the usual, "You can have the ipod when you get your tuck", her mom asked me for some drills and conditioning exercises to help her get the skill.  She listed them on a chart where her daughter could record how many she did each day.  And she told her, "When you've done each exercise 5,000 times, I'll get you the ipod." 

With this approach, she was actually encouraging her daughter to do what was needed to learn the skill, and then rewarding her for the effort.  And it worked!  She got the skill, got her ipod, and there was no stress or pressure at all!  I thought it was a great way to go about it!

[momof2allstars]

Jea what a great idea!  I will give that a try next time.

[jandotcom]

You asked for stories or ideas, so here's one about helping your child attain their goals without stressing them out:

As a gymnastics and cheer coach, I've seen countless parents try to help their children by bribing them with various rewards; "If you get your [insert skill here], we'll buy you a new ipod/waterbed/cellphone!"  I can tell you, that rarely works.  In fact, it often backfires!  The child becomes so obsessed with the reward, and so worried that they won't get it, that the skill becomes a major source of stress... and that's when mental blocks develop. 

One mom took a different approach.  Her daughter wanted to get her standing back, and she also wanted an ipod.  Instead of the usual, "You can have the ipod when you get your tuck", her mom asked me for some drills and conditioning exercises to help her get the skill.  She listed them on a chart where her daughter could record how many she did each day.  And she told her, "When you've done each exercise 5,000 times, I'll get you the ipod." 

With this approach, she was actually encouraging her daughter to do what was needed to learn the skill, and then rewarding her for the effort.  And it worked!  She got the skill, got her ipod, and there was no stress or pressure at all!  I thought it was a great way to go about it!

I strongly disagree with the concept of bribing kids to achieve in sports.  I believe it takes away from, rather than enhances, the satisfaction of achieving a goal.  I think that kids should have the opportunity to decide for themselves what goals are worth pursuing in their chosen sport.  And if they are passionate about achieving the goal nothing will hold them back.  A bribe will only add pressure and take away from the intrinsic value of achievement for achievement's sake. 

If the kid is NOT passionate about achieving the goal on their own, then no amount of bribing will help.  Yes, they may achieve the goal and get the iPod, but they won't continue to achieve without further bribes.  Why would they?

I think that bribing them for effort is only marginally better.  It teaches them that putting in the effort for the sake of achieving a goal is not worth it in and of itself, without some artificial benefit thrown in.

Parents just need to stay out of it more.  Give kids the opportunity to enjoy their activities and find their own passion.

OK, stepping off my soapbox now.

Jan

[CheerMSmom]

Great topic! As we say in the south, "Amen, Hallelujah, Pass the Grits!" 

[coolcoach]

I coach Varsity and we have tryouts in April. The JV parents are already getting their daughters ready for my tryouts. For my team you MUST have a standing back tuck. Mommies have already started bribing their girls to get their tucks before April. 

I overheard one of my girls say: "Oh yeah Amanda's mom promised her $100 if she gets her tuck AND an iPhone if she moves up to Varsity."

That's awful.

[MdCheerMom01]

Ugh!!! I hear you all with the bribery!! And to be honest I have used that with my daughter to some extent--and you are right--it does not work!! What ends up happening is that the child is so worried about "getting the skill" that the form and technique is lost and they start to develop bad habits. I would rather have my child take it slow and learn the correct technique and do the skill safely and accurately then risl her thowing it and getting hurt. That is why I have my daughter tumble also at a gymnastics gym where they focus on form and technique. But that is getting into a whole new post!!!!
Have a great one people!!
K