unfair treatment from coach

[srcheermom]

one of the girls on our squad is the coaches daughter and she has been getting ALOT of special treatment. such as not having to attend activities, allowed to be late for practice, not wearing hair up like other member. the captain and the coach got into an argument over this at an away game and now am not sure what else needs to be done. am considering talking to the superindant of the school. any other suggestions.

[ucaCHEERalum]

Unfortunately this stuff happens more often than it should.  While I personally think it is a huge conflict of interest to coach a squad your son or daughter cheer on, its not all that uncommon. 

That being said, you might want to cut the coach some slack.  Its hard enough to coach kids that aren't yours let alone coaching ones that think they can get away with murder (not really - its a figure of speech). 

I would always use going to a persons superior as a last resort.  Have you talked to the coach?  You may find that its not all sunshine and roses and that they are really struggling to keep their child in line.  You hate to bring family problems with you to work - but we all do it every now and again.  I'll bet that the coach would appreciate hearing from you (in a non-confrontational way), instead of being blind-sided by the superintendent.

As for cheerleaders and team captains arguing with the coach - this happens.  But shouldn't happen in public.  If your daughter or other cheerleaders take issue with something the coach has done/didn't do/etc. they should wait until the appropriate time (usually after practice/game) to address it.  Ofcourse, if they feel they've been put in direct danger - they need to speak up right away.

As a coach, I know of only one way an argument with my judgement ends - mine.  However, talking to me in a civilized manner usually has a way of opening up more options.

[LCSD1 coach]

As a coach who coaches their own daughter things can be blown out of proportion.  For example my daughter is also on the swim team so we go a little long with practices so she can attend.  ***problem--- we always have to go late so your daughter can attend**** (what they fail to realize is that we do the same thing with a girl who is on the basketball squad who is not my daughter.

Your daughter always gets to fly and their are others who can too****isn't it funny that at practice I ask what stunts do you want to do and we go over them but at games I never tell the girls which ones to do and if they choose to do a stunt where my daughter goes in the air well i didn't tell them too.

your daughter got to pick which uniform to wear and you never have let us do that*****Lets see I did tell my daughter she could pick this week and she asked the rest of the squad what they wanted and went with it.  I have asked others what they want to wear and it always comes down to a team decision so what the problem.

your daughter is allowed to back talk you and she never gets in trouble***hmmm I seem to remember getting back talk from one of you when I asked you to remove your lip piercing.  I ask all to remove their jewlery including my daughter.  I also get back talk from some of you when you are asked to do something not to mention the rolling of your eyes and talking under your breath.  Do you realize that when we get home at night she gets punished.

your daughter isn't made to condition with us when she gets here after swim practice.  We have fitness class and aquadics during the day but you still make us condition*****Did you ever think that I talk to your teachers and I know that you sit out or do the bare minimum during class.  Did you stop to think that the swim coach and I talk too and I know how hard she is working.


What people don't realize also is that if you have had a bad day with the cheerleaders it gets taken home.  Yea I know it shouldn't but it does.  My daughter gets punished at home for things that happen at practice.  It is not fair to either of us.

Our volleyball coach has the same problem with coaching her two kids and them getting more play time than others.  I don't think they do I have watched the games.  But you can never satisfy parents they will always find something to copmplain about whether you are coaching your child or not.

Granted there are coaches out there who do favor their children but I try my Darndest to not and I still have to listen to complaining girls and parents. 

I agree with ucaCHEERalum do not do it in a confrontational way that would only cause more hard feelings.  Tell the coach you would like to talk, then state that you have a few questions but in no way are you meaning question her abilities as a coach and that you do not want to cause any problems.  Then say some of us have noticed a few things and you may not know your doing this but do you realize that you are allowing you daughter do things that the other girls on the squad can not.  Then give examples.  Make sure you let her know not to take it the wrong way that the girls have some concerns and that you just wanted to bring things to her attention but not to cause any problems.

It's a touchy situation no matter how you approach it and if your coach is anything like me when I feel attacked I go on the defensive and will put a gaurd up.  Good luck

[srcheermom]

After the game where the argument took place the coach said that the cheerleaders would discuss things at the next practice. The practice was yesterday and the coach had the schools athletic director present before she even tried to talk to the girls herself. He took her side on all the things that the girls tried to talk about. He told the girls they were being stupid and whiney and that is they didn't straighten up that he would kick thier asses off the squad. When i found this out after the practice i called our superindent and complained. I don't feel she should have involved the director at this point and he sure doesn't have the right to talk to the girls in that type of language. This is not the first time we have had to deal with the favoritism she coached her daughter last year on the junior high squad and did the same things she is doing now. We had hoped she would be better in dealing with the high school squad but that has not happened. The reason the parents are upset is that the coach makes the girls sign a contract that has all the rules and the penaly for not abiding by them. Our girls have to go by this contract and we feel her daughter should also.

[LCSD1 coach]

While I do believe that the coach went to the Ad a little prematurely.  I feel that he was right in sticking up for his coach.  While the words he used were inappropiate I totally understand his point.  As a parent of three children who are involved in numerous activities I have never went to a coach and complained about anything even if I disagreed with what the coach is doing.  We a coaches take a lot of crap and the time and money that we put into it sometimes is not worth the headache that the students and parents cause.  Monday night I shut off the lights and told my cheerleaders to go home.  I was tired of the playing around.  And on more than one occasion I have told them that they are free to leave at any time.  They made the choice to try out and they can make the choice to leave.  The coach should be able to run her team as she sees fit as long as it is not endangering anyone.  Too many times parents want things their way and that is not always the best for the squad.  Sometimes you just have to make a decision to either

agree to disagree  or  pull your child from the activity which they are in.
Accept the things you can not change and move forward. 

So many times we make ourselves more misserable by fighting for a change that is not going to happen.

If this were me in this situation as the coach I would thank the AD for standing up for me.  Then I would tell the girls if they didn't like the way I ran my program they are free to leave.   Yes I understand that this coach has given special priveleges to her daughter and that is WRONG.  Under no circumstances is it ok for a coach to do what she is doing but to be backed up by your AD whether you are right or wrong is huge. 

I am sorry for the way things are going down.  Just be open honest and try not to judge or attack.

[ucaCHEERalum]

I don't feel she should have involved the director at this point...

Why?  Are you upset that she beat you to the punch?  You were going to call the superintendent (*sp), weren't you? 

Luckily I have assistant coaches that I can have around for "discussions" with the squad that always back me up...if I felt cornered and didn't have anyone to vouch for me - I'd have my boss present too.

...and he sure doesn't have the right to talk to the girls in that type of language.

Nope...he sure doesn't.  But again, make sure you heard this for yourself.  People (especially teens), have a way of bending the truth to make themselves look better, their opposition look worse, or to avoid punishment.  I have a hard time believing that a highschool athletic director (or even a collegiate athletic director) could curse at a bunch of teenage girls in that fashion. 

This is not the first time we have had to deal with the favoritism...

People play favorites...better get used to it.  It is human nature.  I'm sure that you'd favor your daughter over mine (although mine is an angel  ).  When you combine things you love like this coach has (cheerleading and her daughter) its to be expected that little Sally is might get away with more than everyone else.  Is it fair?  No...but its life. 

The best thing we can do for our kids is teach them that though life should be fair it often isn't.  To let dissapointment roll off their backs and to make as much proverbial lemonade as they can.  Like LCSD1 said, dwelling on things you can't do anything about will only make you miserable.

the time and money that we put into it sometimes is not worth the headache that the students and parents cause. 

Amen sister!!!  I applaud all you middle and highschool coaches out there.  I couldn't handle all the mom and pop inquisitions.

They made the choice to try out and they can make the choice to leave. 

  Couldn't have said it better myself! 

[Dani_cheer_xoxo]

i know that in my school my coach has his favorites. when i was going into the 10th grade, i tried out for cheerleading again. well when i got the results of making jv i was shocked because i had better skills and more experience then some of the girls who made varsity. well at the end of football season my jv coach said that i had made varsity but she told the varsity coach she wanted me to be jv captain instead, so they kept me down without even telling me. when i heard i was very upset because that ruined my chances at being varsity captain for football season. then for basketball season a girl who was in my grade got to captain because she got straight a's and there were seniors on the team. but when i asked the coach why she got to be captain when she was only on the team for one year prior to beng captain he said because she got good grades. but she almost got kicked out of school for fighting. and he has said numeruos times that in order to be captain you have to be on the varsity team for two years prior to being chosen for captain. my sister is going through the same problem with this coach and i dont know how to try and help her. because i dont want her to go through what i went through. any advice?

[ucaCHEERalum]

Keep your chin up.  Don't let being captain (or not being captain) effect your love for cheerleading.

Cheering is cheering.  Make the most of your situation and stay positive. 

- - -

Always work hard at being your best...but remember, just because life should be fair - it often isn't.  The sooner you learn this the sooner you can move on to bigger and better things.

[LCSD1 coach]

I did away with captains on my squad it caused to many problems.

[Travana]

Ditto, LCSD1

[alumnicoach]

I did away with captains on my squad it caused to many problems.

Ditto and a 'cheer' for you!
I did away with captains as well, it was just too much pressure for my young team. I learned that kids seemed to value and appreciate each other more when responsibilities were spread amongst them all.  As a team, we struggled less with 'power of control' because...well...everybody had a piece of it.
I like putting the responsbility back on the team as a whole and not just 1 or 2 kids.
   

[LCSD1 coach]

I agree.  With no captains I don't have to listen to Sally thinks she is better just because she is captain.  My girls all have duties to perform and they change all the time so no one is stuck doing the same thing.

[Dani_cheer_xoxo]

with the captains thing i think he should have not had any but have the ALL the seniors play the "captain" role. the captains would not let anyone else on the team but thier friends have any say in anything. i had suggested we tried new stunts and tried to get more girls to go to gymnastics they told me no. and than our team had A LOT of cliques so i said we should do team bonding and they told me it was a dumb idea but than for basketball the captain who was also football captain did a team bonding thing. cheerleading will always be my life. i have so much dedication and thats what made me mad. was my coach was saying the captains had more dedication than me, but i was at everything and anything and im always early. i help out the younger girls and act as a assisant coach to the jv coach.

[dglo]

I'm dealing with a similar situation. Similar because it deals with favoritism.  After holding tryouts and selecting the team, several girls quit.  The sponsor decided (without informing parents) that there would be additional tryouts.  The majority of the new members are not as skilled as the vets.  That wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that the vets were required to attend "technique" classes over the summer following their 7th place in the State competition.  These classes cost over 500 dollars.  The new members have less talent than the vets did before the classes yet they are not required to take the classes and the sponsor became mad when the vet expressed their concerns.  The sponsor has since openly (during practice) informed the new members of the vets concerns and as a result, the team is anything but cohesive.  As unbelievable as it sounds, the sponsor is actually mistreating the vets for expressing their concerns.  What is a parent to do?  Conflict resolution in a must but who should initiate it?

[ucaCHEERalum]

Was it $500 for the whole group or $500 a person?

Five-hun-doh per person is an outrageous sum. 

[CoachKgoMeanGreen]

I am somewhat suprised at the "favoritism". If my daughter/sister/whatever was on the squad I was coaching I would be harder on her than anyone else. More because its like I expect more out of her because I know what she is capable of.